This morning, I woke up feeling spirited and uplifted. I thanked the Lord because last night I was having awful dreams of my past life and recollecting it made me wonder what life was all about. I had lived for my children. I live for my other half, I shred a lot of hair, I have scar all over my face and body due to extensive suffering beyond repair - this is what it's like to mend a broken dream, just that, it's not my dream it's my husband's dream. I am building a house for him and I am feeding the multitudes...
But that was not what I want. I shouldn't had gotten married then. Mom had put me in this situation because she wanted me to know what marriage is all about - it's about sacrifice.(for a woman, beyond her wildest dream). And to put it all off, I had 'escape' out of that reverie - awful nightmare! Praise the Lord! Praise Buddha~ praise my destiny.
I am not gonna listen to the radio all day and too much music put me into a trance. I am like a walking zombie! I've got to write more because that's what I am here for. Writing makes me go wild. It's like in the Despicable - It's so Fluffy , I'm Gonna DIE! Knocked OVERRRRR! says the villain. But life has been great. I love every minute of it. Despicable me! Minion Bananas.
I should email to my aunt and tell her more about my happenings. I have lost touch with her for almost half a year.Anyway, I've sent her a Valentine greeting and she was so proud of me.Why! Because I mentioned to her that I value the 6th Commandment in the Bible - "Thou shalt not commit adultery." I am so proud of myself because my fears have conquered over me and I know I am right. I am doing the right thing to avoid,to refrain,to resist the temptation of an overdose of adultery, if it turns real...
The only person that I am going to sleep with is with my husband, because deep down inside, my family values are very strong, although I've been to Clinton, New York - I've been to Hamilton and I've witnessed ultimate pleasures in life. I don't think that by feeling good all day round is gonna fend for your needs,my concern is money at stake!Thanks to my upbringing.
I don't want to disappoint my parents who instilled in me strong marital values. I don't wanna lose them. Because I've watched outcast and I don't wanna be despatched! It's a total freak to be without food and begging, for in Malaysia, no matter how hard you beg, nobody and I mean nobody will notice you! Malaysians are rather selfish and less humanitarian, for food is scarce and there are no person in this world with a "heart of gold" like yours,Ling! except your parents, whom I am their flesh and blood, then they'll take me in and feed me! - talking literally, in terms of facts.
I am so good to be free from bondage. I lack aspirations but I'm good. I should keep this up. Gone are my days of scar, here comes days of break FREE! Adiiiosss!
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